a broken heart we’re supposed to have?

Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.  – a prayer by Bob Pierce , founder of World Vision and Samaritan’s Purse

I started this blog to record my new journey because about five months ago when I was sure I was dying, I realized I’m a Christian who lives like everyone else.  I thought about how if I really did die, I’d probably not go to heaven.  The most important part of that realization is that I was 100% sure I wouldn’t deserve to go to heaven anyway.  It would serve me right, me and my gluttonous, wasteful, slobby self.   I started to think about how the purpose of my very existence is to humble myself and try to be MORE like Christ.  You know, WWJD?  This realization was not driven by guilt.  It was and is driven by a feeling that I feel to my core.  I am to strip everything away and love my neighbor as myself.  To give more.  To serve more.  It occurred to me that even if I wasn’t a Christian, even if I was just me, a 32 year-old mom, a life led by anything except focus on others would serve no purpose.

I found a blog several years ago.  A very young girl, Katie, who was preparing to graduate high school and go to college, and then she went to Uganda.  And then she knew the only thing she could do was leave everything and everyone behind and go serve the sick and orphaned in Uganda.  You can read her blog or visit the Amazima website.

I’ve thought for years that this is a girl who is really operating as the hands and feet of Jesus.  And she is still a young girl – very early twenties – but she is the adoptive mom of 13 Ugandan daughters.  And her ministry in Uganda feeds 1,600 hungry children each week.  Hands and feet of Christ, people.

The struggle to reconcile this life of comfort that I have with Katie’s story has really been a sticking point for me.

If Christ is going to separate the wheat from the the chaff, and Katie is the wheat, I feel like I must be the chaff.  I mean, my wheat is nowhere near Katie’s wheat, right?  It’s not enough, you’re not doing enough.  That voice comes from somewhere.  It’s the Get Off the Couch voice.  It’s the Today 16,000 children died from Malnutriton voice.

Today I was on Ann Voskamp’s blog and lo and behold, she was blogging about Katie.  Apparently Katie is writing a memoir.  And apparently I’m not the only one so humbled by her service.  Humbled, almost, to the point of unworthiness.

Go read Ann’s post about what Mother’s can do.  You won’t regret it.  Like Ann, our family sponsors a little boy through Compassion.  We have since early 2009.  He is 7 years old and lives in Rwanda.  I would recommend Child Sponsorship to you so highly.  The value of knowing our impact on him and his family, coupled with the value of our children growing up with a greater understanding that not everyone in the world lives like we do is utterly priceless.  So please pray for Abayisenga with us.  And his family.  In a recent letter his mother told me they used the Christmas money we sent to buy a chicken for the family.  A chicken.

Do you ever get to thinking that the world needs more chickens for Abayisenga and less video games with carjacking and rape?  That the world needs more real grace, forgiveness and bravery, and less “real housewives”?  That we need to love MORE and less Jersey Shore?  (I’m on a roll now… what rhymes with K@rdashian?  Just KIDDING).

I am no Katie.  That is certain.  But God gave me a tender heart, and for that, I am grateful, even when it aches.


Several years ago, two other adoptive moms and I started a little group we called Mothers in Action for Vietnam.  We identify humanitarian aide projects in Vietnam and try to rally support for them.  Well, we are “back in action.”  We have created an Etsy store to raise funds for two humanitarian aide projects that benefit children in Vietnam.  We have learned of an orphanage in rural Vietnam that is being operated out of two rooms in an abandoned prison.  The children and caregivers are at times getting by on a cup of rice a day.  We have partnered with an organization called Chances for Children to insure that all funds generated will make it to those in need at the orphanage. HOW YOU CAN HELP:  We’ve set up a Mothers in Action for Vietnam Etsy Site – and for each item purchased, 100% of the funds will go to the charity of your choice.  All artwork has been donated (including several of my prints!  🙂


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2 responses to “a broken heart we’re supposed to have?

  1. Oh Kelly, I hear ya. You managed to capture in words the things I feel on a daily basis. I also follow Katie (she is from my town,btw! and went a few semesters where I was teaching) and I often feel like I am not doing enough.

    Great post! I’m stealing the Mothers in Action blurb to post to my blog 😉 Love you friend! xo

  2. Hey – Isn’t it so weird that we’ve never met in the physical world but we are kindred spirits in a way that our souls know each other?! I could have lunch with you today and it would feel like we’d done it a million times and yet we’ve never set eyes on one another. Just another of the blessings from the route God set us on to build our family. Love you too

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